2024-06-19
Ever feel that you don't fit in anywhere, out of place in time, you feel like a stranger but in a familiar land? "Ich bin ein auslander" I think to my self, when I walk into the local bar\club that's packed full of the "Normies". I've always have been a social misfit and have never been able to fit in anywhere for as long as I can remember, doing things my own way and refusing to conform to the "commons" and always felt one or two degrees separated from society. I prefer the term social misfit, hyper-individualist or eccentric because I don't like using the terms "Lone Wolf" or "Sigma"(The whole alpha-beta social hierarchy is kinda a myth based on a refuted study of wolves from the 1970, the term was refuted by the same person who coined the terms) and are used by the Bilo's on 4chan and Reddit, who in reality fall more under the non-conforming conformist category. Social misfit is a better term as opposed to social outcast a social outcast implies someone has done something bad, partially criminal, to be outcast from society, where as social misfits just means you're just kinda different.
I've always preferred to do things alone in my life. From Hiking,Camping, Hunting and Traveling(internationally as well) I've always preferred to do it alone. I've had people act shocked and surprised that I do a lot of things alone, like going out for dinner, bars/clubs, etc etc like it was some kinda foreign concept to them. There's almost something "spiritual" about walking alone through a forest or simple sitting in a restaurant with your own thoughts(I'm not a cellphone addict, so I don't spend every waking moment death scrolling through social media) and observing the world around you. I often feel as if I am meant in this life to be a wonderer, or perhaps I had been one in previous life.
I remember while growing up I never really had any long term friendships and would typically spend the majority of my time alone during the summers as bad as that might sound I have a lot of fond memories or going for bike rides and fishing by my self around the town I lived in. During my high school I had a small group of friends I would hang around with, but I always felt like I was the third wheel. All though friends tend to come and go for most people and they progress through life anyway.
Despite being a "social misfit" and doing most stuff alone, I do have friends and some that I would consider in my winryteow(ingroup). And I do go out with them to the pub of movies on occasion and with in the last couple of months I've been making more of a effort to talk to people in general to better fit into the wonderer seeking wisdom archetype, some times you'll be amazed what you can learn from talking to strangers. I would also mention its better to have 3-4 friends you can trust instead of having 20 friends you don't trust.
I also have this urge to fit in somewhere, if I can't fit in with the "normal people" maybe I will fit into one of the subcultures(another product of Germanic culture it seems). I like metal, punk and Gothic music, and the clothing style associated with that subculture(I dress like a metalhead\industrial goth), I thought, hey maybe I'll fit in with these people. So I started to go to "Goth clubs", which I really liked going to. I really liked the vibe of the clubs, the clothing people would wear and the music and I also discovered I liked dancing as well(there's something the music they play in bars/clubs that normies go to that's really depressing and the music has no energy/spirit to it).
However there's another side to the Goth, Punk and lesser extent the metal scene. There is a lot gate keeping and elitisms that is prevalent in the scene. I went on a date with a Women I met at a Goth club and she told me that gate keeping and elitism is pretty bad in the goth scene and that a lot of the people who part take in the scene are not really "Gothic" culturally and are kinda just looking to be apart of something. On top of the elitism and fake Goth's there is A LOT of political gate keeping in the goth scene. Another Women I dated around this time who was more into the Punk scene got banned from one of the goth/punk clubs for being "conservative", she said that "communism sucks and is horrible" to someone and got a message from the owner of the club saying she was no longer welcome there because of her comment. In another instance a local Goth band got "canceled" because the lead singer spoke out against wokism. One of my Co-Workers Dad(The Goth\Punk and metal scene ranges from 18-60+) seemed to have stopped going to Goth clubs and disappeared off social media after he started his own political party and ran for office on the state level, his political ideals where a mix of left and right, and fairly centrist. I figured he had been "canceled" by the scene(I lost contact with his son after he quit his job, so I'm not sure what happened exactly) which is sad because he had been involved in the scene since the 1970's.
When I started to get into Heathery I noticed a lot of the same pattern of behaviour amongst Heathens as I did in the Goth scene, namely in the larger communities online and offline, political divisions amongst pagans is nothing new, you can find pagans on both ends of the political spectrum. After picking up on this I decided to just practice heathery on my own, you don't have to practice Heathery with other people to be a Heathen anyway. It also the same thing in the Anime, Science fiction and nerd sphere as well.
I have never had a bad experience with Goths\Punks\Pagans\Nerds however after witnessing all gate keeping\elitist's\tribalism\dogmatic behavior that you'd except from normies being done to others in that scene, I kinda took a step back from affiliating with anything alternative, and yes I like the clothing style(still dress like one), music, artwork and literature from that scene. I have notice most of this kinda behavior comes from people on the political left however to be fare I noticed the same kinda tribal behavior from "conservatives" manifest its self as well(Mind you I'm a Libertarian\English Liberal, that conflicts with both Leftist and Right-wingers anyway) as well and its gotten to the point where I've started to distance my self from them as well. I'm not one to allow group think or tribalism dictate my opinions, beliefs, interests anyway.
Non-conformist or hyper individualistic tendencies tend to be more prone in Germanic\Celtic "North-Western European" cultures (Britain, Netherlands, Germany, Scandinavia, France, Ireland etc etc) and is more socially accepted\embraced then in more collectivist cultures like Japan for example. I will also note that the more collectivist European cultures(Italian, Slavic, Iberian etc) are still more individualistic then places outside of Europe. Even in the indigenous Germanic belief system, some people interpret Skaði as being the "Outsider\Other" goddess well as goddess of the wild. I'm referring to cultural collectivism, not economic collectivism. You can have a collectivist culture, like in Japan but have a capitalist economic system. However more individualistic countries do better economically then more collective countries.
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